01 Oct Glorious, Godly marriage
This month of October 2019, Suzanne and I celebrate 25 years of marriage: what a milestone, what a miracle!
Here are five lessons we’ve learned over the past 25 years:
Lesson #1: Don’t expect perfection
It’s funny how we set out looking for the perfect spouse, but we begin with a flawed premise: that somehow, we’re perfect! To this day, I still have a few friends who are seeking the perfect spouse, just like I did years ago. So, as we search for someone else who’s looking for the perfect spouse, it’s easy to see how frustrating and disappointing this search for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow can be for both parties. So, here’s what I learned: expect perfection from God but don’t expect perfection from your spouse: neither of you will ever possess it. Which leads me to my next lesson.
Lesson #2: Be full of grace
Marriage is an opportunity for us to see us at our best and our worst, in full view of our spouse. Suzanne has seen me soar to great heights and plunge to subterranean depths several times throughout our marriage. Of course, I’ve witnessed Suzanne in the same situations: some you put on Facebook and others you just wince about, even now. Because we’re not perfect, and because we make mistakes, and because God allows trials into our lives, we are going to have many – sometimes daily – opportunities to show God’s grace to our spouse. Mistakes and bad behavior will stifle a marriage, but grace helps restore it. Rely on God to help you show that grace to your spouse.
Lesson #3: Kids are amazing!
I’ll never forget our first date: Suzanne and I dreamed aloud about having kids. She wanted four and I wanted six, but God eventually “met us in the middle” at five: Elizabeth (21), Koen (19), Trey (17), Grant (15), and Braden (12). Kids are amazing!
I just LOVE being a dad! Yes, with any amount of kids, there is always something going on: school, sports, scouts, sleepovers, and parties. Like our spouse, kids bring out the best in us. In them, we see ourselves: our strengths, our shortcomings, and our humanity. In raising our kids, I’m learning what motivates and stifles them, but also God is challenging me about some of the misconceptions I had regarding my own parents. It’s easy to be a critic until you try parenting for yourself. Yep, Dad and Mom did a pretty awesome job despite the material they had to work with!
Lesson #4: Love unconditionally
Marriage is perhaps the best opportunity to love deeply, love completely, and love unconditionally. As most of us have experienced, your spouse will say and do things that will absolutely drive you bonkers. Conversely, your spouse will say and do things that will absolutely leave you breathless with joy. Over the span of 25 years, it’s more the latter than the former, but sometimes it won’t seem that way. Reflecting on something Suzanne taught me early in our marriage, “the minute we start trying to decide which spouse is giving more than the other, we’ve already lost.” In other words, give your spouse all you can, all the time, and love them unconditionally! When we start putting conditions of our love and on our spouse, we lose badly and become embittered. Better to love freely than to judge critically.
Lesson #5: Trust God who brought you together
I’ve saved the most important lesson for last: trust God who brought you together. When your spouse loses three jobs and can’t pay the bills, when your spouse falls down stairs and is medically distressed for seven years, when your parents die early from horrific diseases, when your kids are flirting with suicide, when you literally think you are going out of your mind because of all the stress that marriage – frankly life – can bring upon us, we need to trust God with every atom in our body! There will be times when it appears your spouse is the enemy, and only God can bring about resolution and crowning joy by trusting in Him with all your heart! Make Jesus the center of your marriage, and while it won’t keep you from experiencing mild to extreme trials which God uses to build our character, He will keep you together and grow you closer to Him even as He grows you closer to each other.
That’s a recipe for another 25 years together!
I love you Jesus, and I love you Suzanne: happy 25th wedding anniversary to us!
Blissfully,
Travis L. Zimmerman
Pastor and Co-Founder
